Some of us have been in that place before. As we meet various people in our lives, we determine that 1 or more of them might be worth investing time and energy in. And as we get closer and closer to 1 or 2 individuals, we begin to go out of our way to care for them when they sick, lend a listening ear when they’re down or just keep some of their darkest secrets. Then that moment comes when it’s you that’s sick, down or needing to rant. And you feel utterly alone; it seems like there’s no one emotionally invested in making sure that this time, you will feel okay.
And so you realize that you’re the best friend, without a best friend.
How does it feel? It sucks! We have a strong desire to be needed or wanted by others. And to be comforted by the thought that at any given point in time, someone has us in mind. And when the perception or the reality doesn’t match with that, it can lead to grief – over the loss of a close friendship we thought existed or over the lack of any such relationship ever having existed.
In my case, it’s complicated. I have an extensive support network, both personally and professionally. I would consider myself social and decently extroverted; I’m always setting up social get togethers and trying to meet new people. And I have regular check ins in place to make sure I stay in touch with family and long-time friends. However, I find that I am doing most, if not all the outreach. And it gets to a certain point where even as a social butterfly, you become exhausted. You wish that you did have people reaching out to you on a regular basis, and not just by chance or once in a blue moon.
I’m not really sure where to take this article from here. I’m writing this so that others going through these thoughts or feelings can know that they’re not alone. One day, you will find someone deserving of your thoughtfulness, your kindness and loyalty. It will just require some patience.